The holidays are a time of sights, smells, sounds, fun activities . . . you name it, and most people try to fit as much as they can into this short season that is designed to bring happiness and love to all. But what happens when you are so overwhelmed with feelings of grief? Many people limit the idea of grief to losing loved ones, but grief can also come from losing relationships, pets, jobs, previous lifestyles, and any sort of life change. Is it really possible to honor your painful feelings while remaining present in this busy season? Keep reading to learn how to validate your feelings while journeying through the holiday season.
First, it’s important to understand what grief is.As noted earlier, grief can come after any sort of loss. Many people are familiar with the idea of “Stages of Grief”, but the process of grieving does not occur in the same way for everyone. Grief is different for each individual because the situation surrounding the loss is different for everyone. Some losses are unexpected, sudden, and even traumatic. Other losses are expected but still extremely difficult. Many people also think that grief should end after a certain period of time, but again, this is not the case. Grief never truly goes away, instead, it shapes and molds us into new individuals. However, this does not mean that the pain will always stay.
The next step to managing grief in the chaos of the holidays is to feel your emotions. How does one do that? Again, this looks different for everyone. For some people, this may look like visiting a counselor or attending a bereavement support group. For others, it may look like journaling feelings and thoughts that come from those emotions, or being aware of how grief presents in their physical body. Feeling your emotions also comes through noticing your thoughts, practicing mindfulness, and taking time to pause, reflect, and breathe. Using tools such as a feeling wheel can bring language to one’s feelings, and writing one’s feelings and thoughts down daily can provide a tangible way to truly explore what one’s grief looks like. YouTube also offers many helpful guided meditations to aid in processing grief. Here is one of my personal favorites: Headspace Grief Meditation
During this holiday season, don’t neglect to honor your loss. This also looks different for everyone: for some, it may mean visiting the grave of a deceased loved one or writing a good-bye letter to a lost relationship or job. Honoring your loss could also mean choosing to contribute to society in order to honor a deceased loved one or to continue giving back to causes that are important to yourself. Particularly in the holiday season, this may mean watching your loved one’s favorite holiday movie ormaking their favorite dessert. No matter what this means for you, it is important to engage in these previously enjoyed activities while continuing to honor and process your feelings. Although this can be a hard task, inviting a friend or loved one can ease the pain, even a little bit.
Be aware of your limitations and take steps to avoid situations that may cause more stress, frustration, or grief than is needed. It is okay to stay no in order to protect yourself. However, it is important to also recognize that there is a fine balance between isolation and being too accessible. Just as you honor your loss, also honor yourself. Make plans for how you will handle difficult situations as they arise, and what boundaries you may need to implement in order to protect yourself during this difficult and busy season. Even if feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness occur, think about what you would encourage a friend who is going through your situation to do, and do that for yourself.
Surrounding yourself with loved ones can also bring support and encouragement during this busy time. As hard as it can be to allow yourself to be open with those around you, we cannot truly and fully heal alone. We need the love and support of others to guide us through difficult times. Give yourself grace to be honest with those around you about how you are truly doing. It can be easy to feel like a burden or like you are not deserving of support, but this is simply not true. As the famous saying goes: no man is an island.
As mentioned earlier, it can be extremely beneficial to attend counseling and/or a support group if these feelings continue to be overwhelming. As helpful as the above-mentioned tips are, sometimes extra support is needed–and that is okay. Don’t allow shame, guilt, or fear prevent you from taking the steps that you feel are necessary to work through your feelings of grief in order to restore joy and peace to your life.
Remember: feeling joy and happiness does not mean that you don’t miss your loved one, relationship, job, etc. We grieve because we love, and just as grief never goes away, neither does love. Life is a mix of complex emotions that allows us to be fully human. The holidays are a stressful time, made even more difficult when associated with loss and grief. However, relying on the tips given above provides a framework for how to move through this season in a healthy and appropriate way even when it feels impossible.
By Hannah Orsini, Clinical Mental Health Graduate Student at Liberty University, special to From the Blu
